You are Effin Brilliant ✨

by Mar 11, 2021Uncategorized0 comments

I’ve got something to say to you:
 

You’re effin ✨brilliant!✨

Seriously. That project you’ve been working on recently? It’s been done beautifully. You’re talented, and you’re onto something. You’ve got to keep going.
 
Please absorb that, because I’ve no doubt it’s true.
 
Yet, maybe, taking it in and believing it is hard? I know such statements can present a struggle inside of me. My reaction to encouragement and compliments is to smile, then, often, to be consumed by shame and self-doubt. It can cover me like an oil slick claiming the flight of an ocean bird. Sometimes it’s so heavy I’m sure I’ll drown.
 
I know why it happens. Years of therapy have that nailed, but, it’s up to me to reduce the impact of that voice that took up residence in my head when I was a child. I like to call it Miss Dismiss and Minimize. She’s a tough old crow, though, and a pro at what she does. But, I continue to discover ways to shut her down. My first challenge years ago, was to learn to verbally accept compliments without letting her get a word in; to simply say “thank you” and smile. For the longest time, Miss Dismiss and Minimize would scream to explain that the sweater being complimented is “an old thing I just threw on”, or the hairstyle being raved about “Is hiding growing hair loss and bald patches” and it goes on. This practice was hard at first, but I’ve got much better at it.
 
Yet, Miss Dismiss and Minimise continues to enjoy wreaking havoc in my life, denigrating my successes and questioning my worth far too much. She gets especially gobby when I’m working on something important to me. Someone will encourage me with “that’s great”, and Miss Dismiss and Minimise will likely run through a list that goes something like this:
 
  • They’re just being nice.
  • It wasn’t that good; they don’t know what they’re talking about (even though the person directing the acknowledgement/compliment is an ‘expert’ ?)
  • They probably say that to everyone.
  • It’s so bad they feel sorry for me.
  • Now look what I’ve done; too much attention will give me a big head (and make me bad!)
I continue to learn how to make Miss Dismiss and Minimize shut the eff up and let me get on without dimming my shine. Yet, shining can feel super hot and uncomfortable, so it’s often tempting to give into her, but dammit, to shine is essential.
 
Likely, my Miss Dismiss and Minimise could make many friends, possibly starting with your twin-like Miss. If you know such a voice, let’s please agree to do ourselves a favor, and ignore it, or at least insist it accept our unique brilliance ✨ Let’s look for and accept the compliments and love coming our way, and home in on owning those rather than being so much more comfortable absorbing negativity and criticism. 
 
You are brilliant and I don’t need to be in a room with you to know that. It’s a straight-up fact that you have a great deal of magic to light up the world with. 
 
Shall we get a little cosier with shining, together?
 
All of my love,
 
 
Photo Credit: Kelly Hsiao
 
PS: I’d love to hear about a recent compliment you’ve had and perhaps struggled to accept.  
Let’s have a conversation. I’d love to hear your thoughts about what you just read, so please leave a comment below.

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